Notox: Because It’s a Recession and Botox Ain’t Cheap
So, you’re finally ready to address those lines in your forehead that won't go away anymore when you’re done making a face but you’re scared of Botox? Or maybe, just scared of the price? Well, I’m here for you. Sort of.
It’s important to know that wrinkles are a natural part of the aging (i.e., slow death) process. Yes, there are a variety of external factors that can speed it up, like smoking, sun exposure, shit diet, etc. But much of what we know as wrinkles or signs of aging in the skin is due to one thing in particular: cellular damage. This cellular damage means that the cells that keep your skin looking smooth and plump devolve over time from The Brady Bunch to The Manson Family - they get dysfunctional. If you want to counteract the skin’s aging mechanisms, you ultimately need your skin to be more flexible (this is what elastin does) and more plump (collagen). Just because wrinkles can be a part of aging doesn’t mean you have to like them. That’s where Botox comes in.
Look - Botox is an actual miracle that we probably don’t deserve considering, like, the rainforest and humanity in general, so I’m not gonna sit here and pretend you can achieve the same transformative results as quickly or as effectively using something else. And that’s on spitting facts. We need to set expectations first and those expectations need to be that if you have serious lines you’re trying to treat, Botox is going to be the quickest, most effective, and least invasive mechanism to get rid of them. What Botox won’t do, however, is:
Last indefinitely (most people get 3-6 months of life from their injections; maybe longer if the lines are more subtle)
Stimulate collagen or activate cell regeneration (see above for why we get wrinkles)
Change skin texture or discoloration
Firm the muscles causing the wrinkles in the first place (in fact, it paralyzes them which means they literally can’t get stronger)
Give you permission to say things like “no cap” or “cheugy”
Botox also won’t make you rich - quite the opposite, in fact…that shit is expensive! In most cities, a single unit of Botox will run you $14-18/unit, and most people need around 20-30 units. I personally get around 50 units in my face (I want to look LACQUERED!!!), which gets extraordinarily expensive when you think about the fact that it’s a 2-3 time a year treatment. With the ever-rising prices of shit you actually need to survive, like a home, food, and gas, it’s no wonder people are looking for alternatives to ye ol’ Vitamin B. In fact, I get asked for Botox alternatives all the time, which is hilarious considering I openly say that Botox is the best thing that ever happened to the anti-aging community and would launch an OnlyFans account if that’s what it took to keep my habit going. But it’s not because people don’t want Botox - it’s because they don’t want to pay for the upkeep of Botox (or start an OnlyFans account, apparently). So, I’m doing the charitable thing and walking you through a variety of alternatives you can do from home and achieve similar, albeit, probably not as extreme, results.
A few things to note before we get started:
Many things on this round up are expensive, but it’s a one-time cost. It’s difficult to find an inexpensive product that actually works well. So while a $500 microcurrent device may seem like a lot of money at first, the price-per-usage drops every time you use it, compared with Botox which is going to be whatever the price-per-unit is when you do it.
Remember that Paula Deen/Mean Girls meme from a decade ago with the question “is butter a carb?” and Paula responds saying “butter is everything, you ignorant bitch???” Well in this case, consistency is everything, you ignorant bitch!!! Remember, nothing works that you don’t use/do. This couldn’t be more true when it comes to skincare tools/devices. Similarly, these tools also require some amount of consistency over time. Very few things can deliver results in a few uses. I generally give a product/tool 4-6 weeks to prove itself to me. If I get results sooner, amazing! But I don’t sweat it if it takes longer - you just can’t give up on it before then. Of course, always consult the manufacturer’s claims.
Lastly, this is not communist Russia - not everything works the same for everyone. Just because one person swears by red light therapy doesn’t mean it’s going to suit you best. Likewise, I may rave about facial massage, but if you’re not willing to put in the work to do it, then don’t. Take what works for you and leave the rest.
Okay, cool. Now that I’ve said everything discouraging, let’s get into the alternatives! I’m breaking these down into four categories:
Micro-tingz
Light Therapy
Facial Massage
Topicals
I’ll provide a brief explanation of what each category is along with the products and tools that fall within it. If you already know what each of these things are and just want to shop my recommendations instead, click here to shop this post!
Micro-Tingz
While “micro-tingz” isn’t an actual aesthetic delineation, it’s the best way to describe a variety of tools that use the term “micro” in its nomenclature. Specifically, I’m talking about microcurrent, microdermabrasion, and microneedling. While each of these tools does its own ting, it’s doing it on a micro level. I GUESS.
Let’s start with microneedling, because it’s one of the most affordable options in this category. If you’re following me on YouTube, you’ve already watched my at-home microneedling tutorial. Right?!?!?! And if you’re not following me on YouTube, you should. I’ve been micro-needling for about 6 months now, and I’m pleased with my results (skin firmness, evening skin tone). Microneedling at home is different from the kind of microneedling you can get done in a professional office, mostly because at home microneedle tools are usually on a roller, which is why you’ll hear it referred to as a microneedle roller or sometimes dermaroller. You won’t be able to penetrate the skin as deeply with at home tools as you might at a professional’s office, but you can do it more frequently and much cheaper, so it’s a great alternative. Microneedling helps stimulate your skin’s own production of collagen and elastin, which helps with firming and lifting, thereby, reducing fine lines over time. Basically, anything that causes damage to your skin stimulates your cells to repair itself, which leads to the creation of new collagen and elastin. THIS IS WHAT WE WANT!! There are lots of options available, but I like this microneedle roller I bought on Amazon because it comes with 6 different attachment heads, including a pinpoint head that doesn’t roll, which is most similar to an in-office treatment. It will set you back less than $20.
Microcurrent isn’t a new technology for treating signs of aging, but it’s new to me! I just had my first experience with microcurrent at a facial I had last week, and I saw a noticeable (to me) difference in my jowls after. Specifically, they weren’t there! The at-home tools are really powerful from everything I’ve read and heard. These hand-held devices send microcurrents through your body, targeting the muscles in your face and neck to help tighten the muscles under the skin, resulting in firming and tightening. It’s similar to Botox in that it targets muscles, but unlike the way Botox paralyzes the muscles, microcurrents work to make those muscles stronger, which prevents sagging and loosening of the skin. Think of it as a workout for your face. What’s really nice about these tools is you’re specifically told NOT to use them every day. Just like weight training your body, you need rest days between, so you won’t use it daily after your initial month of use. My facialist recommended the ZIIP, which is the one I’m likely to get - I like that it comes with an app that it pairs with to program the routine onto the device, which really takes the guesswork out of things. The NuFace is also incredibly popular and comes in a mini option, making it one of the more affordable of all the microcurrent options.
Radio frequency is similar-ish to microcurrent, which is why I’m mentioning it here, but instead of strengthening muscles, it works more on the surface layer of the skin. The radio frequency results in a low-level heat production, which also means they need to be used smartly. Though unlikely, it’s still possible you can burn your skin, so just make sure you’re reading the instructions really carefully. The TriPollar STOP Vx has phenomenal reviews, but is also one of the more expensive products on this post.
Microdermabrasion is probably the most vintage of all these options, but that’s not to say it doesn’t work. While I wouldn’t recommend microdermabrasion in lieu of other anti-aging methods, it does pair well with other treatments. Microdermabrasion is basically just exfoliation, but it’s gentler than chemical peels, which allows you to do it more often. But also, don’t do it every day - exfoliation is a slippery slope! By removing the top layer of dead skin, your other products and treatments get a better pathway to work more effectively. This process also helps to reduce the build up of shit on your skin that causes acne, which means fewer dark spots and pimple popping, which can lead to signs of aging skin as well. PMD makes an at-home microdermabrasion tool that comes with a set of attachments in various intensities so you can really customize it to your needs.
Light Therapy
If you’d have told me a year ago that red light had any health benefits aside from making you horny (or scared), I wouldn’t have believed you. But, guys, it’s true! There’s a lot of weird science-y science behind it that I’m not well spoken enough to explain, so I’ll just forward you to the Huberman Lab podcast episode on red light therapy instead. But essentially, red light exposure activates the cells and DNA in your body to do all kinds of beneficial shit. It’s been cited in helping regulate sleep, immunity, weight, stimulate hair growth, and even improve skin (signs of aging, yes, but also reduce breakouts, heal wounds, reduce bruising, and even ease sunburns).
Not all red lights are created equally though. Things like the LED, wattage, irradiance, and even size of your red light panel matter. The smaller the panel, the longer your treatment time. There are lots of red light therapy face masks, which can provide benefit localized to your face, but understand that the benefit will only be for your face. I have one of these masks (the SpectraLite mask by Dr. Dennis Gross), and I love it, but I strongly recommend using it more than the recommendation of once a day for 3 minutes. I try to do 3 cycles of each light setting (the red is for anti-aging, the purple is for acne and pore clearing, and the pink combines both), for a total of 36 minutes, but I don’t always get there. At minimum, I do the first red light for 3 cycles, which is only 9 minutes, and I usually do that while I’m getting dressed in the morning. My ultimate goal, however, is to get a full body panel that I can use while I warm up or cool down from my workout or, ya know, watch reruns of Toddlers & Tiaras and troll Mitch McConnell’s Instagram account. Anyway, red light therapy is a big ol’ can of worms, and probably worth its own dedicated post someday, but it’s important to go into it knowing that a lot of the benefit it provides is shit you can’t actually see because it’s pretty much making sure something DOESN’T happen. Be patient, be consistent, and be specific about what you’re trying to gauge.
Facial Massage
A few months ago, I started getting more interested in facial and lymphatic massage after hearing about its benefits for the skin and anti-aging. Similar to the work the microcurrent devices are doing, facial massage works to both release tension in the facial muscles, allowing them to relax and reduce inflammation so skin is more supple and plump at the surface, while also strengthening muscles in the face to firm and tone. So, like, Pilates for the face. Facial massage may actually be the most economical suggestion in this post since it’s literally free, as long as you have fingers (and a good facial oil). Trigger warning for loggers, I guess? There’s fantastic tutorials on YouTube and Instagram for this. The downside for me so far has just been time. It’s not that I don’t have the time for facial massage, I’m just using it for other things already, so it’s been tough to incorporate as much as I’d like to. Alternatively, you can use tools to massage your face that may allow you to get the work done more efficiently.
Lots of people like Gua Sha and facial rollers for the way they help sculpt the face, but I recently discovered the Kansa wand, and I’m very into it. Not only does it help with lymphatic drainage and facial massage, but it’s also made of copper and tin which, when combined with a facial oil and skin, reacts with the skin’s pH and draws out impurities from the skin. No lie, you can literally see your face turning grey where the acid is coming out. You can watch my full YouTube tutorial about the Kansa wand to see it in action. Be mindful about Kansa wands - you want to make sure you get the real thing. Knockoffs use cheaper material, but the copper is the key to how this thing works!
Topicals
Most people are probably using some kind of topical to target fine lines and discoloration. They’re one of the easiest things to get your hands on and require very little hands on time. In fact, when anyone asks me about products for anti-aging, the first question I always ask is “are you using a retinol?” Specifically, Retin-A (also known as Tretinoin). Tretinoin/Retin-A is just a potent dose of vitamin A which promotes fast-acting skin turnover. That means it’s forcing your skin to turn over (think: dry up) and then create new, baby fresh skin full of collagen and elastin. This process is great for reducing fine lines, as well as treating acne, and even hyperpigmentation. And while I’m a big fan of Tretinoin, it’s worth noting that it can lead to skin thinning over time, which isn’t good. Make sure you talk to a dermatologist about the recommended dosage to address those concerns. You’re gonna need a prescription for this, and insurance usually doesn’t cover it.
Remember how I said the first question I ask people who want skincare recos is whether they use a retinol? Well, I lied. It’s actually “do you wear SPF daily?” I think anyone asking me for skincare advice probably is, but it’s always worth reiterating. IF YOU ARE NOT WEARING SPF EVERY DAY - AND REAPPLYING - DON’T TALK TO ME!!!! I’ve always been extremely fair-skinned, and my mom had the foresight when I was only 11 years old that I was going to be an extremely arrogant person. So she handed me a bottle of Oil of Olay daily moisturizer with SPF 15 and said “put this on your face, neck, and arms every day.” And so I did. And that’s on being ahead of your time. There’s an SPF for everyone at this point, so whether you never wear makeup and want a clean product, or you’re a drag queen and need a sunscreen that doubles as primer, there are no excuses! Wear your goddamn motherfucking sunscreen.
My general advice on topicals is always start sooner rather than later. These products shouldn’t be considered lightning in a bottle, but the chances of them doing what you want is much higher if you start them before your issues are too big. Also, it’s easy to feel jaded about expensive skincare. We’ve all tried a luxury product at some point and been disappointed. To this day, I will never understand the appeal of La Mer. But, in some cases (certain lines, certain active ingredients), you will find better results from an expensive product. Case in point: NeoCutis Bio Serum Firm. This is a new-to-me product in the last month, but I’ve had really great results since adding it to my morning and night routine. It’s a magic concoction full of peptides that kind of works like HGH for your skin. It’s not cheap, but sometimes you can find it for 25% off. I’m linking a few other topicals that are supposed to work really effectively, but if there’s any I’ve missed that you think people should know about, leave me a comment!
WHEW! It’s hard work being good looking, isn’t it?!?!? Next time you see a pretty person, tell them congratulations - we really don’t hear it enough! I hope those of you who wanted some ideas for Botox alternatives found this helpful. I’m sorry to tell you that it’s not as simple (or cheap) as a homemade sugar scrub or olive oil face mask, but it’s just not. The good news is, we’re all gonna die someday, anyway, so if you just wanna give up on yourself, that’s okay too. AND FREE.
